It’s been a while since I’ve updated, so here is something I wrote for a writers group. I was originally planning on changing the ending, but they were all about it so it remains. As all of my work I post on here, I didn’t bother to edit it.
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My professor told me to draw a circle around myself before I smoke the peyote. He explained the need to feel calm, collected, and –most of all- safe. Then he handed me a prepacked pipe and sent me on my way.
My professor left me and a few other classmates out in the desert, miles apart from each other and civilization. He bid us good luck and expected a three page essay on the things we experience. Those students who opted out were given a failing grade and a reason to file complaints with the dean.
The desert- like most- was hot. I regretted my decision to wear hiking boots thinking I would wander off into the mountains that were miles away. The shorts and tank top was my only good decision, though the sun beat down on my exposed skin turning me redder by the second. I sat on the sun-soaked ground that cracked from the lack of moisture. It seared the back of my legs leaving me no choice but to stand.
Once I managed to carve a circle into the hard dirt, I lit up my pipe. At first it felt like fire down my throat into my chest, then it washed over me like a wave. I wasn’t sure if that was the experience everyone else was having and I hoped they weren’t; this was my experience, my feeling and I didn’t want to share it with anyone.
The scenery swirled and shifted. I looked to the sky and into the sun, I felt it give me power. I felt like a desert flower blooming, my legs became roots and within my circle I stayed. Surrounding me were creatures I’d never seen before. They spoke to me through movement pressuring me to step free from my home. They promised me wonders I longed to see, but I was stuck; held in place by my stem.
I could see my professor- another hallucination, I knew- in the distance shaking his head and pointing at his feet. The circle. My safety zone. The creatures beckoned me, and with all my strength I pulled. I pulled until my roots snapped free and I tumbled from my circle onto the dry tundra. The creature wrapped its arms around me. Its embrace was cool to the touch and pulled me close. It continued to draw me in; too close, too long.
I struggled.
I screamed.
My professor shook his head, disappointed in my choices. I held out my hand begging for help, but none came. The circle only a step behind me was scuffed away from my struggling legs. My feet dug deep into the dirt, carving two small holes. It began to crush me; breathing became difficult.
I stopped struggling.
I relaxed into its arms. I didn’t want to spend my last seconds afraid and alone. It looked down at me, smiling, pulling me in closer. I in turn wrapped my arms around it. The heat from my body spreading into its chest, it began to change color. Wherever my hands lay, it changed into vibrant shades of red. It bent down and whispered into my ear something I couldn’t hear.
It enveloped me and we became one.
I awoke in my circle, half my body burned from the sun. My professor handed me a bottle of water that I guzzled down. He helped me to my- now shoeless- feet and asked me how I felt. Looking down at my circle, I could see where I squirmed and fought, where tore off my boots to leave the circle, and where I managed to return.
The circle was whole again.
Mai Insanity 